If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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