she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize