soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
