hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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