I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
