you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
