Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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