Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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