Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
