She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
