dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
