super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
