I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
