Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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