I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
