Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
