whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
