never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize