I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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