What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
