I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
