i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
