I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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