margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
