first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
