Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
