I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
