It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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