it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize