I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
