I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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