just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
