it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
