I love black thongs
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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