no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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