we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sext me about skeletons
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
