I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
