All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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