just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
