So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize