I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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