you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
