Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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