When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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