You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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