i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
