You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
