No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
