And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
