my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
