shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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