Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
