Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
