I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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