...so i touched it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
