I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
