her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
