I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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