If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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