just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize