You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
