WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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