Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize