Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
