No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
