He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it penis luge time yet?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You don't make any sense
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