I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize