there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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