I am spending my child support on dildos
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
