fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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