i love accidental penises.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
